How many times have you wanted to say “No” but instead said “Yes”? Or have you found yourself in a situation where you didn’t want to do something, but ended up going ahead with what you were uncomfortable with anyway? Setting and maintaining boundaries between what we want and don’t want is no fun. In these situations, it is helpful to remind ourselves that we have the right to decide what we do, how we interact, and how we set our boundaries. This is where assertive rights come into play, which we can use without qualms.
Assertiveness is the art of communicating in a way that is productive and respectful. It doesn’t mean being aggressive or arrogant, but it does mean standing your ground with respect for others. This approach allows us to express our needs, opinions, and feelings openly while protecting our boundaries. The American psychologist Andrew Salter came up with the concept of the 10 basic assertive rights as early as 1950, which can help us to better manage everyday interactions.
1. The right to say “No”
You have the right to say “No” without feeling guilty. You don’t always have to agree with what others want you to do. Saying “No” is perfectly okay, especially if you don’t want to do something or if it doesn’t suit you.
2. The right to change your mind
Everyone has the right to change their mind. It is not necessary to stick to one opinion just because you have decided on it once. Situations change and so do our views.
3. The right to make mistakes
It is human to make mistakes. An assertive person recognizes that mistakes are part of the learning process and there is no need to blame oneself for them. You have the right to make a mistake and learn from it.
4. The right to express your feelings and opinions
Everyone has the right to express their feelings, opinions and needs as long as they do not harm others. Communicating openly is the key to being understood, and it also boosts your self-esteem.
5. The right to ask for help
You have the right to ask for help or a favour. Just as you have the right to refuse an offer of help, you also have the right to accept it or turn to someone when you need it.
6. The right not to apologise for your decisions
You do not have to apologise or justify your decisions or feelings. Your choices are yours and you don’t have to explain them to anyone if you don’t feel like it.
7. The right not to be dependent on the opinions of others
An assertive person does not rely on others to earn approval. You have the right to make decisions that are in line with your values and not based on what others think.
8. The right to make illogical decisions
Each of us has the right to occasionally make a decision that may not be logical or expected. If you enjoy something or it makes sense to you, you don’t need to feel obliged to justify it.
9. The right to say “I don’t know”
It’s okay to admit that you don’t know something. You don’t have to have the answer to everything. Admitting uncertainty is often a sign of strength and honesty.
10. The right to ignore things you don’t care about
You have the right to say you don’t care about something. It is not your responsibility to pay attention to all topics or situations unless they affect you personally.
We all have these assertive rights and it is good not only to know them but also to exercise them actively. Developing assertiveness is not easy, but it is a skill that can free us from feelings of guilt, manipulation, and constantly conforming to others.
When we realise that our boundaries are of equal value to the needs of others, we become more confident and satisfied in both our personal and professional lives.
